ShareThisSolo dad for two weeks
Completed
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Starting tomorrow my wife is in Scotland for a two week excursion with her brother and niece. During that time I'll be taking care of my 9 year old daughter. This is a challenge because parenting is hard for me, I don't naturally enjoy it, and my relationship with my girl continues to be something I'm working on making better. |
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The main test is how it goes taking care of the basics: food, cleanliness, health, school, and homework. Secondary is how smoothly the process goes. The first is a hard requirement, and the second is a desire. |
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When her mom gets back 3/16! |
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o lower my standard re: TV dinners and TV
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Comments & Observations
Matthew Cornell Related: Edison - Solo dad for four days - http://edison.thinktrylearn.com/experiments/show/65 . I see that I had no entries for it - what does that say ;-) I like the 2x2
Mar 03, 2010
Matthew Cornell First night (wife hardly gone 5 hours) and I'm shattered - tired. Cooked a quick, disappointing meal, took out garbage and recycling, cleaned cat litter, read with my daughter, got her ready for bed, and crashed. Tomorrow I have to go grocery shopping, which my wife usually does, and which takes a good chunk out of consulting. I already appreciate what my spouse does more than before, which was a lot.
Mar 03, 2010
Matthew Cornell Grocery shopping: 1.5 tiring hours. As a man, facing 100,000 items takes me out of my head. So many choices. So many unknowns and variables. Jeez!
Mar 04, 2010
Brock Tice As my wife works insane hours, I'm often in this role. Give me a call if you need any tips and/or moral support. I'm also a master grocery shopper, and can give you some tips to make your life easier.
Mar 04, 2010
Matthew Cornell Thanks, Brock! I'd like to hear your perspective on what aspects of parenting you like and/or are good at, from a male perspective. Mine changed significantly when I read "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and What to Do About It", and then talked it over with fellow dads. There's a range of talents, of course, and mine are not in this role. That's not to make excuses - I do it, work to enjoy it, and make the best of it. But in our case, my wife is in the [good at + enjoys] 2x2 quadrant.
Mar 05, 2010
Brock Tice I believe my daughter is younger than yours, but I find really what it comes down to is this: in order for both she and I to have a good time together, I need to give up whatever else it is I'm thinking about or might want to do at the time, and just be in the moment with her. Of course, that's not always easy, but so far it's the only strategy that seems to work when I can manage it.
Mar 06, 2010
Matthew Cornell There were some sweet surprises this weekend, two things my daughter said. "Daddy, you are actually pretty nice." And "I love you, Daddy" accompanied by a hug. This is more than she usually shares, which tells me the relationship has shifted for the better, at least during this time her mom is out of town. Bittersweet. Part of the fun is finding activities we both enjoy. Riding bikes to the Umass campus, watching the geese in the pond, and buying junky snacks to enjoy in the 55 degree sun was delightful. Mixed in with the usual struggles around parenting, of course. Pretty easy so far, I have to say.
Mar 08, 2010
Matthew Cornell Rough night last night. I took the opportunity to start a change (i.e., improve intellectually) in her TV watching habits and diet, which did not go over well. My wife's advice before she left was to not try things like this during the two weeks, but I can't help wanting to help my kid. It helped to say to myself that good parenting ain't necessarily fun. In the end she was OK with it, though, which is interesting.
Mar 09, 2010
Matthew Cornell Today was good. Got in some biking (first after surgery!) so mood was probably better as a result. The afternoon and evening were fun because - learning here - we did activities that were fun for us both. To shake her up a big, I suggested when she first got home that we go to (gasp) the mall. She got to spend some of her money, and I tried my best to keep quiet about what she bought. Then we went grocery shopping, and, using TTL, I suggested ways to make it fun, like riding on the backs of rolling shopping carts and buying fun food that mommy wouldn't buy :-) I kept my eyes peeled for ways to enjoy the ride, and an easy way to do it when around kids is simply to watch them. They play naturally. Example: When she was putting our groceries on the rolling conveyer at the check-out, she put them on the margin where the belt meets the metal cover. The peaches and apples spun in place instead of moving ahead. I caught myself before I said "That's not how to do it. Put them in the middle." Nice!
Boy, the amount of work that goes into taking care of a kid, at least the way we do it, is large. Constantly picking up, cleaning up, feeding her, getting lunch packed for tomorrow, getting her ready for bed, etc. Very hard to get work-work done.
[Side question: I wonder how much other parents require their kid to do on his own. Such as get own snack, etc. I'm /fine/ with her doing that.
Mar 09, 2010
Matthew Cornell I will say I'm liking the confidence that comes from handling it all on my own. (Don't think that I don't appreciate my wife, though!)
Mar 11, 2010
Matthew Cornell Daughter has a little fever, so she's home today (Fri). No problem. My wife is home Tue, and the experiment is going very well. No big surprises.
Mar 12, 2010
Brock Tice Glad to hear it's going well!
Mar 12, 2010
Matthew Cornell Marking this as complete. Feels more like non-experimental parenting :-)
Mar 12, 2010
Matthew Cornell My wife returned Tue, and my daughter has changed back to her previous style with me - less affectionate and less interest in my doing things with her. A health sense of detachment via observation and analysis, leaves me OK with this. Interesting!
Mar 18, 2010