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My greatest realization lately is that continuing the same conversation/dialogue/patterns will yield the same result. So if I want to change the outcome, I must look at my own behavior.
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If I get people to laugh, smile, open up, or share stories about themselves. Pull them out of the everyday and it the place of "Peak Life Experiences". |
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Ongoing |
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Its hard to change our own behavior, painful even because we spend so much time getting good at what we do its hard to make a big shift. So I plan to forgive myself as I am learning new techniques. |
Create an Experiment
Lizzy
- Member Since
- 07/01/09
- About Co-creator of Edison.
- Web http://www.misslizzy.me
- Experiments 51
- Observations 332
Comments & Observations
Lizzy Coming up with new conversation content is tough! I need book suggestions... such as "How to be interesting"
Dec 30, 2009
Brock Tice I very highly recommend "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less" by Nicholas Boothman. As a guy who has always had a really hard time keeping a conversation going with someone I don't know well, this book helped me immensely. I feared it would be about 'tricking' people into liking a fake personality, but what it's really about is how to avoid things that shut down a conversation so that you have an opportunity to get to know each other for real.
Dec 31, 2009
Lizzy Thanks Brock, I have read that and remember really liking it. I should definitely do a refresh.
Dec 31, 2009
Lizzy I need some good party questions. Anyone have great ice breakers?
Jan 01, 2010
Matthew Cornell Sorry for the delay. What ones did you come up with? How'd they work out?
I've found TTL questions to be almost foolproof, as we've talked about. I start with the somewhat vague and politically incorrect "What do you do?" and go from there. Or sometimes, "What's your story?" Also:
o What do you like about your work?
o How'd you get into that line?
o What are the biggest challenges in what you do?
o What surprises have you had doing that?
o How long did it take you to figure it all out?
o How do you keep it fresh?
o What keeps you up at night?
And so on.
Jan 19, 2010
Lizzy Its been a while since I worked on this experiment. But in general I have observed just how much I talk about work and business, and need to lighten up! What do people talk about for fun? I also realized that if I am not trying to "help people" its hard to know what to say. So I am trying to be a better listener, than a "solver".
Feb 12, 2010
Fredrik I sometimes turn the workquestions over to questions as :
* What do you do when not working?
* What got you into that?
etc
Feb 12, 2010
Lizzy Hi Fredrik, that's a good angle, thanks for the ideas.
Feb 14, 2010
Lizzy I actually learned something really good recently about changing the conversation.
Apparently I have been a really boring date when I am out with a guy. I just wrote a whole blog post about it. Now I am going practice being unpredictable and track what happens.
http://misslizzy.me/blog/2010/4/27/wish-i-couldbut-its-karaoke-night-at-the-vfw.html
Apr 27, 2010
Matthew Cornell I bet you're being too hard on yourself, but I totally love the idea.
Apr 28, 2010
Lizzy I've been working on this experiment for months now but haven't been updating. Here is what I've learned...
In particular, when it comes to dating I have been practicing new conversation approaches. Most importantly, to be totally silly and have fun. So when a date asks what I do for work, I might say "Horse Whispering." or "I am an international spy, shh! Don't tell anyone."
At first I thought this would annoy people but they actually find it entertaining. I get some ridiculous questions like "Why are you single?" to which I reply "Must be the hammer toe."
Or "Why are you home on a Saturday night?" to which I reply "This darn prison ankle bracelet. Can't leave the house."
So that's how I've been learning to change the conversation, by being ridiculous. (Yes I give genuine answers too, on occasion but this is way more fun for everyone).
Jun 28, 2010
Matthew Cornell I love your injecting lightness into the process. I can imagine people can get pretty serious. Good for you! (Side note: I was at a local grocery store last night and noticed a large young bald guy who actually had an ankle bracelet on. I didn't want to look too closely ;-)
Jun 29, 2010